My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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