my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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