I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
