So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
