So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
