he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
