I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
