i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
