I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
