I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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