My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
There are leaves in my underwear?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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