I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize