Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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