belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
