he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
