Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
