you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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