I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
