I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
