Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
