forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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