I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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