The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
