I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
