too bad you live with your parents still
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize