I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
