it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
