seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
