I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
