I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
