I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
