So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
