a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
