I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
