dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
