when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
