She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
