R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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