Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We have started to decorate penises.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
