He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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