I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
