I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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