i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
