I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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