Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I can text with my tongue
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
time to smoke my breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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