I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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