i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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