worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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