Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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