we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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