This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
