I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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