tell your sister to shave her snatch
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
