I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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