So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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