where am i from again
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
