I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
