How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
