He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
