is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
