my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
