Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i would one night stand the shit outta him
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
