i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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