You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
