I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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