the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
