And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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