You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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