We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
