it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
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I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
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Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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